..................

yes. i am in pain.

nobody knows...

i rather keep it all by myself.

when somebody ask, i told them that 'i am ok'.

when they insist, i told them 'it's personal'.

even with my family.

i never once in my life, actually, OPEN with my family.

i feel like i am a black sheep in the family.

even my parents do not understand me so well.

even, my eldest brother does not know what i actually like.

as an example, my bro just bought me a watch because he does not know what to buy for me because he does not know what i like.

and, i am okay with it and i do not mind at all.

they are families.

me, personally, know what they are alike.

i mostly know what their do's & don't's.

if my family does not understand me, how about other people??

can they understand me?

i don't know...

i'm just too afraid.

when it comes to this Q, i become blur.

and most of the time, i will return that Q to myself.

do i understand people so that people understand me??

frankly, i don't understand people.

and just like that, i know people don't understand me at all.

i'm sorry.

i'm not good at talking.

i can't even make up beautiful sentences for u guys.

sometimes, what comes out from my mouth does not imagined what i mean.

sometimes, i speak recklessly.

when i asked my friends "how am i to them?"

mostly my friends said,

"min?? hmm..."

"unpredictable"

"complex"

"anger"

"honest"

"knows what she want"

"very2 innocent"

"very2 frank"

"sensitive"

"mysterious"

"happy person"

"cool"

"relax"

"blur"

"loving"

"caring"

"joker"

"shy"

"low self-esteem"

can i say that i am "hormonal imbalance"??

i've got all that things in me.

do i have to mind all the sayings??

"kita tak boleh nak puaskan hati semua orang"

i am what i am.

i, hopefully, know what am i doing...

i might seem so so strong outside.

i might be laughing with u guys.

i might be smiling with u guys.

i might be joking with u guys.

but, what i feel inside, only Allah knows.

i've let SOMETHING go recently...

physically, yes.

emotionally, i'll never let go.

NEVER.

it's my promise.

when i want SOMETHING very badly, i mean it.

people said when u love something very much, let it go.

if it comes back to u, it's yours.

if not, be thankful because once it was yours.

for u, I LOVE U.