pejam celik, pejam celik, dah nk abes 1 semester as degree student... yer... DEGREE... sy samb0ng wat degree... nape? xpuas ati ey? xpe2... huhu~ tgh study week ni... tp xmcm stdy week pun rase...
life in university... nothing much. same as diploma... what did i do?? eat, study & sleep. dats all i can say. yep. it's nothing much. pressure?? certainly! a lot... not jz peer pressure... internal pressure... i mean it... A LOT!...
peer pressure? hmm... bmula ngan umah sewa... smua nak main tarik tali... musibat alam tol... mmg nk ptus kwn je rs...
-"sori r sis. ak mmg benci tgk muke ko!".
mengenang kn semester dpn xdpt nk dok kolej dh, ktrg cari la umah sewa kn... ad 6 org... dh dpt umah elok siap fully furnished rm600, tetibe je, 3 org trik diri. kate nk dok ngn org lain. alasan?? sbb yg lg 3org ni, tmsuk sy, slalu xde umah... slalu blik kampung...
-"hey sis! kampung gua dekat la... kampung lu ja0... mmg la gua slalu balik... apsal?? xpuas ati?? lu pindah la kampung lu kat tluk intan. bjiran ngn gua p0n gua xkesah la."
alasan xlogik lgsung! pehtu drg nk gabong ngn org lain jd 6org... nk dok apartment. giler sempit... yg ktrg 3org ni tkapai2.... ha... bgus la lu org nyer pemilihan... umah dh siap org carikan... smua dh ade... ok.. fine with us...
-"hotak lu!"
nk xnk, tpksa la ktrg cari umah lain yg affordable utk 3org je dok. tp unfortunately, d lowest harga yg ktrg dpt is RM450 sebulan. rumah teres stingkat. kosong lak tu... ish... umah ciput kecik... haiya... pas dh pjuk rayu pkcik terseb0t, dpt laRM400... alhamdulillah la... tetibe kn, ade la makhluk yg kunun nk dok apartment tu kn, dpt tau ktrg dpt umh, dy p0n nk join. nk xnk, sbb nk ringan sket, ktrg bg la... tp siap la... bnanah la tlinga dy nnt kene perli hari2. haha~ mmg evil.
then, internal pressure. yup... d "L" word... after a very long time, i'm falling in LOVE again. my bff confess his feeling towards me. yup. i do have feeling for him. we make a confess to each other. happy?? of course! i'm in love! everyday i felt it grows in me... luv him damn much. but kami xcouple lg... msing2 trauma ngn kisah silam msing2. xperlu la nk citer kat sni... hee~
then, suddenly, my ex dtg mengejar i balik... him?? he hurts me so much... it's hard for me to accept him back in my life. he once told me to go away from him & i still stick to dat "go away". when i started to vanished him from my life, suddenly he comes back asking for forgiveness & a new start. what d hell is dat?? i'm not a toy... when he wants me, he comes & play... when he don't want me, he jz abandoned me... i'm in trauma. it's hard isn't it... down?? yep. really down...
it's getting complicated when my ex came to my house a few days ago asking for forgiveness from me & my parents. he told me his long-term plan... & it does shocked me... i'm scared... yup. scared... my ex seorg yg very determined. he will do what he says. perjumpaan tu bjln ngn baik. we really had a good discussion. i forgive him but i told him dat i'm not sure about a new start. hard for me though.
while, my bff surely doesn't know about d plan... xtau la nk gtau o x... i ni mcm xde mkna dlm hid0p dy je... lgpun myb dy sndri xpasti ngn prasaan dy... i really dunno... i want more... yep. more than a friend with him... he didn't say anything about it... myb, he wants to b d gentlemen, but plz, if u want me, plz do smtg... let me know... he told me once,
-"i luv u more..."
then, u keep on silent.
-"u mcm main2 ngn i."
dats wat i feel right now. i jz want to tell u dat ur my STAR which getting even brighten everyday. it's hard & i'm in pain each time i look at u... u r far away dat i can't reach u... well, dis poem i jz made which might show wat i feel about u...
Shouldn't have done it,
Should have ignored it,
Like it wouldn't be seen,
Like it couldn't be seen.
I don't think I should have seen you.
Should have run away,
Should have pretended not to hear,
Like it wouldn't be heard,
Like it couldn't be heard.
I shouldn't listen to your love.
Without a word, you made me know love,
without a word you gave me your love,
made me fill myself with your every breath, then you ran away.
Without a word, love left me,
without a word, love tossed me aside,
not knowing what to say, my lips must have been surprised because you came without a word.
yep u came without a word... hmm... ssh mcm ni... i xnk mharap sesuatu yg xpasti. ssh tu. mmg ssh. kalo bley i nk pasti kn smtg dr u...
ape yg sy wat skrg? sy diam. yep. sy diam kn je. sbb sy xnk 2-2 pressure sbb sy... final examination is coming... sy layan kn je la 2-2... lgpun, sy nk tumpu pd exam ni dlu... even sy xnk pk pun, it still coming through my head.
wat i jz want to say is,
my ex: we're done. it's over. don't do anything foolish. i jz can be ur friend now... sorry...
my bff: u r my STAR. dun try to b d gentlemen anymore. plz. it does hurt me much.
I LOVE U!
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